Ants in the Pants

I love big events. They are festive and full of joy and wonder. It takes away any lingering bad mood of attendees and instigates a barrage of mental pleasure. It could be a wedding, a party, a cultural event, or a massive family picnic. It could be a sports play off, an art opening, or a parade. I don’t care as long as there are lots of people, food and beverage, and entertainment galore. You look forward to these rare treats and maybe even buy a special outfit or two in anticipation.

These occasions, however, have been known to become marred by rain, traffic delays, arguments, and even insects. Yes, insects. I recall a family friend’s story about his daughter’s wedding. It was a beautiful day in a lovely locale, and the bride was exquisite. The groom didn’t look so bad himself and the guests were in great spirits bedecked in their best finery. After a simple ceremony, a feast was to take place, along with some orchestral music and dancing. Along with the ubiquitous arrangements of white ribboned flowers, you couldn’t ask for a better formula for success. And that formula does not include ants.

These little devils love sweets and somehow word got out that there was a frothy cake a mile high within range. They didn’t ask if it is chocolate, vanilla, or marble. They came in droves and weren’t disappointed one bit. They marched with glee around each tasty tier, reaching the top in triumph. A few nestled, sated, in the little candy bride and groom. The first of the black menace matched the tuxedo quite well and went incognito for a brief moment. It was a sight to behold. People were too stunned to take action – and even if they had the required items, getting rid of ants isn’t a quick task that can be accomplished in 5 minutes. It takes some time for the treatment to be effective. Anyway, back to the story, not a word was heard, until….the bride screamed in anguish. Here elegant dessert was ruined, and also the rest of the day. No one wanted to dance, even with ants in their pants, no matter how great the music.

You can’t really plan for something like this and I have yet to hear a similar account. Maybe people are too ashamed to admit the invasion as if they had done something wrong. Rain will bring out the whole ant farm, but you never would expect a cake to have the honors. After all, how many outdoors events have we attended without espying even one? I imagine it could even happen indoors or under a tent. You have to go with the flow at such times and make do. Needless to say, the photographs of the cake cutting ceremony were quite humorous.

While you can’t carry a can of Raid around with you, even in a portable size, you can, on warm days, keep the sweets in the cooler until the last minute. You need to sweep up spills of sugary soda and wipe away the first ant pioneers so the rest are duly warned. Don’t let them find safe harbor anywhere in your vicinity!

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